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Posted 23 March 2003, 11.32 pm by Sickan

I remember I sat in the windowstill with a cup of lukewarm coffee. I can't remember how long I had been sitting there or why I had decided that the hard wood covering the large window in my old livingroom was the best place to be sitting. I was wearing a pair of shabby jeans and a old shirt with a hood on. It was raining outside and there has always been this thing with me when the rain when it falls hard in the summer. I think its some kind of fasination.

I sat there all crumbled up holding my cup of coffee between my hands and looked at the people hurrying in cover of the rain. Most of them had umbrellas so most of my view was covered by them. There was this little girl standing in the middle of the sidewalk - she just stood there and looked up at the sky with closed eyes and an arch smile on her lips, like something was very amusing about the rain. I smiled and thought to myself that she was a beautiful little creature with a big heart. I can't really explain why I thought that or why I ever think that about strangers, but once in a while thoughts like that sneak into my mind.

I now know I was sitting there only to escape the reality of my own frustrating and grey world. I remember I tried not to think of the situation I was in that day - I was sitting there in the windowstill of my little apartment holding on the to cold coffee as if it was the last cup I would ever drink. I remember the rain falling in big drops as they always do when one of those big splashes hit in the summer. The drops landed on the glass and ran down the window fiercely as if someone was after them. When I was a little girl I used to look at the drops on the window in our car when it rained and keeping an eye on them as they ran down. I would make this system up, like if that drop connected with this drop something bad would happen, but if the second drop connected with the next drop falling where I had my finger then something good with happen and so on.

The rain kept on falling most of the afternoon and I just sat there, watching as the street emptied out of people and the shops closed down. Suddenly my phone rang and I was called back to reality. I looked at it and didn't move to get it, I just looked at it while the loud irritating tone kept me in the world I had escaped all day. I jumped down from the window and walked on sore legs to the phone and picked it up in the middle of a ring but the line was dead, the person had given up. Seconds later I heard my cell-phone in the bedroom - I shook my head and walked in and picked it up. 'Hello' I said in a low tired voice. 'Its me' a male voice announced in my ear - 'where are you?' he said in a worried tone, I sighed 'I'm home I just didn't get the phone before...Dad, you don't have to worry' I walked out of the bedroom and placed myself in the windowstill again, felt the pain in my behind from sitting there all day and changed my mind. I picked up a pillow on the couch with my free hand, while I said 'No - yes - I promise - Okay okay I know that' and so on as people do when they aren't really interested in what they are told or aren't listing at all. I placed the pillow in the window and placed myself in it again and looked out on the rain again.

Sometime later that day someone knocked on the door and I was once again ripped out of my world of denial and dreams of better days. I opened the door and a stranger stood there all soaked. 'Yes??' I looked at the guy and remembered something about him, but I could not place it, 'Hi, eeeh I'm like a friend of - you know...' he looked at his feet and mumbled something about picking up some of 'his' stuff. I nodded and opened the door and let him in. 'Do you want a towel or something, you look like a drowned mouse?' 'Thank you that would be nice' I smiled at the polite way he addressed me, it was like I was someone dangerous or royal or something. I found the towel and gathered the stuff he came for and put it in a bag with the letter I had been up all night writing. 'Here' I gave him the bag and looked into his eyes, 'Tell him that I'm sorry about all this...' He nodded and opened the door and hesitated, then he looked at me 'He is really messed up you know that?' there was no anger or anything like that in his voice only sadness and hurt - I looked at him for a little while and then I nodded and said quietly 'I know... I'm... I...' and then he walked out in the hallway and dissapeared down the stairs.

I stood in the door a minute or so, just looking into the air where he had been just seconds before. I tried not to think about it - I could not handle this right now, but there was no fighting it. I clenched my hands and closed my eyes as I let myself realize that nothing would ever be the same again, it was over and we had been together so long and boom, suddenly the real world had trespassed into our world and everything got mixed up and that single devastating truth arose, and now I had lost him - and there were no one to blame. I could not even blame myself. I wanted to so bad but I knew that it was impossible.

Everything became so clear when I looked at it, the little pieces of paint had peeled off the doorframe, the wet shoes outside the door across the hall - everything yelled at me. And I could not understand it. I would not understand the reality. Never.
I can't really remember the next week or so and I am quite sure that there is nothing to remember about it - I know that I stayed home and just slept most of the time, but nothing more than that. I know that my father came up and held me as I cried and cried until I fell asleep again.

Now, when I look back I know that there was nothing either of us could have done to make circumstances change, this was a part of life as well as everything else. I still think of her in the dark and late hours of the night when I am tired and my defenses are weak. Thoughts like, today she would have started in school or like today we would have packed some things and went to the beach or to the woods or something like that, just like normal families do. I smile again now, finally. But still something has changed, its not that fact that I had her inside me for 9 months and then in a split of a second everthing stops because she had a weak heart and didn't make it more than a couple of hours in this world. Its not that my man and I couldn't look at each other because it hurt too much - all of that is, I don't know, I guess a sick part of life and eventually it will step back and make room for the good things in life and also the new things in life. I think something happened to me that week I was 'away' as I like to think of it. I realized something about life or what ever, that I now have forgotten - but somewhere in my subconsciousness it haunt me, just out of reach. And I think I have now realized that I will never be able to reach it.
The spiral never ends. Does it?


Passive (Angel) and Active (Devil): the controversy that both should be fed

Posted 21 March 2003, 6.50 pm by Shaggy

You do not think of it, but you separate things categorically. If there is an action, it is more likely to be considered an act of the Devil. If it is passive, then how can it be possibly evil?

The war is an issue that you sometimes wonder about. A man named Abdullah in Iraq can actually be quoted as saying "I am glad the US has come. Saddam needs to be disarmed. He is a butcher." Still, Bush is acting. Surely, then, this must be a consideration of the devil. Angels cause you to sit with a thumb up your ass: Devils cause deaths.

Which is better, no one knows.

The same problem is inherent in the Canadian judicial system concerning health care. Currently, it is legally easier to leave a person suffer days, weeks, and even months of unwanted pain simply because people are afraid to give physicians the power to inject Potassium Chloride, ending the intolerable pain a terminally ill patient might suffer. What people do not realize is that you cannot have a person half-killed: it is inhumane. We do not "half-kill" our animals, because that would be cruel, so why is it cruel to ALLOW someone to be half-dead and in torturing, mind-numbing pain?? In fact, in this case, it would be morally problematic to say that "at least the physician cannot be blamed for killing someone."

Take this into consideration: You have someone burning alive in a car, and the doors have been welded shut with the heat. You are a hunter, let's say, and have a gun on your person. This person is screaming, and there is no way to save them before they die. Their body is being stewed in its own juices.

If you say that you would walk away simply because, that way, you could say "I didn't kill him!" Then you should re-examine why you wouldn't pull the trigger.

Granted, not everyone can pull a trigger in that scenario. Not everyone can be a garbage man. Simply because YOU would not have the stomache for it, does that make it immoral? Is surgery, then, immoral, because the majority of people I know cannot handle the gore and blood involved. Okay, we have a world where surgery does not exist. There will be a ton of innocent deaths, an outpour of pain, but hey, I wouldn't have the heart to be a surgeon. It must be wrong.

Action does not equal shame or immorality. Nor does killing. Nor does sex, nor does anything that can be considered an action. Simply because something is unpleasant, does not mean that it is morally wrong.

The reason I am saying this is because: I am too passive, and I feel that I have caused my own misery because of it. I avoid happiness in many ways, because happiness is often an action is often "wrong" by many people's standards (most notably my own). I am morally opposed to my own drinking, use of drugs, sexual exploits... et cetera. The greatest sin I allow myself is playing video games when I should be working, or even writing a front page article when I should be working on an essay. And you know what: I am damned sick of it. The only thing that gives me pleasure anymore is talking to myself, because while it is not a sin, it IS an action, an action that the majority of people consider "different" or, at least, "noncomformist." While I cannot bring myself to steal, murder, maim, fuck, cheat, drink, do drugs, et alia, at least I have the comfort of knowing that I can do things differently, I can be different, and I am comforted in the fact that, if I was a physician, and I needed to, I would have no quarrels with injecting someone with Potassium Chloride to end a bitter life that has no redeeming quality.

While I am not a murder, if it was required of me I believe strongly that I could be a killer.

Think of me differently, if you will. Curse me, if you will. Call me "anti-democratic," or "anti-humanist," but I believe that people should be protected from pain, oppression, and whatever negative effects of life that they can, and I'll be damned before I will allow myself to be a "half-Killer".


Posted 21 March 2003, 11.57 am by DemonAnton

Ever wondered what google thinks of you?


"anton is a terrific destination for singles to meet people and ski during the winter and enjoy outdoor activities during the summer

Dream Story

Posted 18 March 2003, 11.15 pm by Strawberry

Intro: Yes, this story is essentially based on one of my dreams. I just take the basic outline of the events in the story, and build from there. So this may be actually in the middle of the story when (if) it gets finished, things may change in it, etc. Plus, I'm not sure on the names, or what even to name the story. Anyways (takes a deep breathe) here it goes (in first person):

The ship Star Raptor came into the next system. I glanced at Buddie as I looked at the coordinates in the computer and the vast blankness outside. "Are you sure you got the coordinates right, Budamac?"
“I told you, it's Buddie. And yes, I'm positive that the coordinates are correct. Not only do I have a photographic memory, but also I wrote it down in my books, and everything. They are right. Why?"
“Well, it's just that...there is nothing there. There is the planet and the moons, but I see no ship station. At least not at this side of the system."
Buddie, who was in the seat diagonally behind me in a reclining position, apparently glad he didn't have to fly a ship for once, bolted up from his seat. "That's impossible! They said that there would be a few people left on board it until I arrived, and that it would stay put."
“Who are 'they'?"
Buddie shook his head, "It doesn't matter now. If they abandoned the station, they'd be systems away by now. We gotta find that station!" He was right behind me then, leaning over my shoulder trying to see all the readings on the console.
“Would you please give me some room," I pushed him back, "I'll see what I can do...I'll orbit the planet and see if I pick up any signs of it being here."
"It was here! I know, because I was here to see it. I wouldn't buy it blind," He was getting very agitated and annoying at this point. I was almost ready to snap.
"Look! I'll do what I can! You're the one that hired me to escort you here with a possibility of future jobs. Now let me do my job. I WILL get you there, any way I can. Now sit tight and relax. I'm going to go in orbit with the planet," I was half yelling at him. The poor guy was scared half to death, I think. I doubted that he would question my judgment with piloting a ship after that.
So we went in orbit. Going into orbit is a little bumpy at first, but once the systems have adjusted, it was smooth sailings. But my ship was running low on energy, so it would take about 5 space days to finish the orbit. As if the trip to this system wasn't bad enough holed up in this small ship, we get delayed a few days.
I adjusted very well, I think. Buddie and I spent a lot of time at the front of the ship, reviewing computer readouts to try to figure out this puzzle. The other too deck crew that were with us spent most of there time in the back monitoring the engine's output, making sure we had enough energy to land on the planet if we didn't find the station.
They were pretty long days in that ship, but I think I learned a lot. I already knew a lot from my previous experiences as a pilot on odd missions, but Buddie showed me a lot of tricked of the trade. We also had some nice talks together. I think we really connected that orbit.
Then came day 3. Buddie and I were discussing various ships and modifications. I was in my pilot's seat, relaxing a bit, with my legs crossed resting on the co-pilot seat. Buddie was sitting in the chair behind me; pointing out various ships he has had experience in and the pros and cons of each. Suddenly, the sensors beeped. I put my feet on the ship floor and straightened up.
"What's up?" Buddie asked.
I looked at the readouts. "I think we found it. Only 15 minutes away." I looked up at the window. It had a beautiful view of the planet, a mixture of white-grays, blues, and an odd purple-pink on the vast globe. I pointed off in a distance to the slight right. "Should be showing up beyond that horizon."

AKpCEP two years on

Posted 18 March 2003, 10.11 am by Alexander

Well folks, it's March 18th - which means today is the second anniversary of the birth of

Thanks to all the users past present and future who have submitted their work, debated and spent time here. AKpCEP wouldn't be what it is without you all!

Please leave your birthday wishes in the comments below, and here's to another 2 years!


Has this guy gone crazy?!

Posted 17 March 2003, 4.08 pm by Craig

Visit Site.

Ghettoify yo'self!

Posted 15 March 2003, 7.09 pm by Alexander

From now on I shall be known as Sexxmaster Kawfi.

Click here to find out your ghetto name, then post it in the comments yo.

Last Shining Moment

Posted 13 March 2003, 3.21 am by Jake

“Have you ever wanted something so bad, yet it was just out of your grasp?” The man shifted in his chair and lifted his glass of bourbon to his lips. “You wanted to take it, to control it, but it never, ever happened?”

The fat man’s eyes danced nervously behind his thick horn-rimmed glasses. Beads of sweat formed on his bald head. He stammered “S-s-su-sure. Everyone’s had that at one point in their lives.” The bearded man looked at him, took another sip of bourbon, and puffed on his cigar, lost in thought. “That’s the way I’ve been with life,”said the bearded man. “I took many things for granted and have regretted them, but it’s not going to happen anymore. I will be understood. I will be noticed, respected, feared.” The bald man looked away for some sort of diversion….a waitress, a bar patron, anything.

“Pay attention to me, Hans.” The bald man shifted his gaze back to the bearded man. “Listen, John. This is fucked up. This is beyond fucked up. I don’t know where you’ve been, who you’ve been hanging out with, but you’ve changed. I used to think that you were a pretty rational guy. Since about three months ago, I got no fuckin’ clue who you are anymore!! You’re a weirdo! You’re an asshole! You’re just different!” John chuckled and stroked his beard. “Nice to see that you’re still fond of me after all these years, Hans. And I thought we were friends.”

Hans glared back at John. “Yeah, well, friends don’t start talking about weird shit and how the world owes them! There’s life out there, man! There’s things to be done! You don’t sit here and be jaded about how everything was, and you especially don’t carry a fuckin’ grudge! Times are changin’, man! Embrace the future, for God’s sake!” His rapid-fire statement seemed to catch John off guard. Hans wiped the sweat from his bald head, and John promptly slapped his hand and ripped it down to the table in one swift motion. “Goddamn it, Hans! Listen to me. I don’t need you spouting things off about my ideas and plans. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t somewhat confide in you, you slimy little sack of dog-shit! Look at you sweating like a slave! You’re scared, just like the spineless little girl that you truly are! Now if you’re not going to keep your mouth shut, Hans, I’m going to have to do something about it! And chances are, you’re not going to like it. Now, are you willing to shut your sweaty, fat, frothing little trap and let me explain what I want from you? If not, the results won’t be pretty. I assure you. I promise, you. What’s the call, Hans?”

Hans squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. “Okay, John. What do you want from me? How can I serve YOU? How can I make life easier for YOU? Just let ME know, I’ll be glad to help YOU.” John slapped Hans across the face with a quick right backhand. Hans quaked in his seat, and John moved closer. “Shut UP, Hans. If you don’t shut up right now I swear to Christ that you won’t make it out of here in anything more than a Tupperware container.” Hans did the smart thing, and shut up. “Now. In this briefcase, I have approximately $100,000. I want you to take it, along with this backpack. I want you to go down to the Federal Building, and put this backpack in Locker 113. It’s in the Public Archives. You’ll find the key in the briefcase, along with the $100,000. Now, don’t open this briefcase until you get into the Public Archives. Trust me. Don’t do it. After you put the bag in Locker 113, you can walk away with the briefcase full of cash, no questions asked. Just do this one favor for me, Hans, and all will be fine for you in the world.” Hans shifted again in his seat, and nodded.

Hans walked into the Federal Building with an odd twitch in his gait. He nervously squeezed by a Security guard, and used the ID card that John provided for him in order to get into the Public Archives without being searched. He rushed into the file room and shut the door behind him. He leaned up against it and breathed an exasperated sigh of relief. He walked over to the locker and set the backpack on the floor. Turning around to a nearby table, he set the briefcase upon it and entered the combination to unlock if. 666. He opened it and saw nothing but stacks of neatly cut and banded newspaper. His mind screamed FUCK as he looked from side to side. Up in the corner of the top of the case, there was a small LED attached to a black box the size of a pack of cigarettes. Inqusitively, he touched it. A beeping noise began to whine from the box, and his bowels turned to water. The backpack began to beep as well, and started to vibrate against the locker. He heard the faint metallic buzzing, and had time enough to get down on his knees and pray before the backpack exploded.

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"New Orleans at Night" Acrylics on Canvas. I recently saw a shot of Bourbon street in New Orleans. I liked the shot enough that I wanted to paint something like it, to sort of reproduce the feelings the photograph gave me. I want to go to New Orleans myself and do another painting in the same vein.


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Hey Cris, it's as busy here as it was at the end - which is to say, not at all

I wish I could new you guys was here in the beginning of 2020 LOL

OMG I was feeling nostalgic and I can’t believe that AKP is still here! So how’s it going ?

Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness


80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.


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