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Alpha and Omega: Beginning and End

Posted 27 January 2003, 6.52 pm by Shaggy

I am tired, and find myself with a severe lack of sleep. Possibly this has something to say about my attention, or even my lucidity, and yet somehow, this does not deter me from spending too much time thinking about matters other than my school (of which I really should spend more attention). I have been thinking, and this is a very dangerous activity of mine, dangerous in many respects.

In being a complex person, there often arises many issues. Of extreme concern is the growing need to be someone else, to allow someone else to take the helms of spirituality, so to speak, and merely float by, as if on a raft. Perhaps it is simply my lack of sleep that makes me yearn for such, maybe it is my inestimatable laziness, perhaps it is my simple, stubborn nature. Truth is, I do not know anything.

I tried to enter into higher learning with the hopes that I would find my holy grail. Not that the lack of such has deterred me from my goals in any manner, but as a person, not as a student, the implications are tremendous. I cannot find even traces of gold that might lead me to this grail. I cannot find the least inkling of my overall purpose. Perhaps I was meant to teach, it might be said, but if this is so, then why do I feel the need to create? It is not unimaginable to have a creative teacher, especially a professor, with many books to his belt, granted (in fact, my American Drama teacher has many books of poetry and play to his belt), but I would only be accepting the position of teacher on a strictly pragmatic stance...

We all know how pragmatic I am!

The thing that disturbs me the most is the possibility that I have no actual place, that I could be a killer, or I could save the whales, and it would be equal in the end. For, with that ultimate chaos, one need answer the question: why? Why do anything at all except crawl into the ground, and wait until death?

I do not condone murder and suicide in the least. I cannot condone these things and be a moral person simultaneously. However, when I look at the screaming face, with a surreal sky lingering behind, I cannot help but feel sympathetic. In fact, the image of that popular painting, The Scream (or The Cry, depending on how you translate) is, for me, the most significant of images. It is my turmoil, it is my life.

I open my lips, and growl as loud as I can, hoping that somehow, my creator will hear me, and hear my prayer.

Amen.

booger
on 28 January 2003, 9.04 pm
Cream!


Bookworm
on 29 January 2003, 5.10 pm
Try reading the book of Ecclesiastes from the Bible. it Echos your feelings.


news-
on 4 August 2004, 6.19 am


news-
on 4 August 2004, 6.21 am


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Hey Cris, it's as busy here as it was at the end - which is to say, not at all

I wish I could new you guys was here in the beginning of 2020 LOL

OMG I was feeling nostalgic and I can’t believe that AKP is still here! So how’s it going ?

Props to Green Mamba for bringing the weirdness

Hmph

80s candy bars were pretty good

only because i traded it for a candy bar in the 80's.

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